Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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