I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
