The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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