well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
