he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
