Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
one might say we're banned from that church
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
