i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
