Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
