Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
