2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
honey bunches of taint.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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