took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
