dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
