theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
