WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
