You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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