I'm eating all of the evidence.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
