discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I checked into jail on foursquare
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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