four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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