oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
