She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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