did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
