Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
