fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
