Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
