I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
