hell yes lets make some ravioli
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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