she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
