Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
