How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
