Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Enjoy the penises
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
