Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
