I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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