Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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