the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
