Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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