Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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