if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
