Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize