we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
