even my farts smell like vagina
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
