And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
