just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
