My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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