i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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