i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
