with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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