College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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