So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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