Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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