I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
