I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
