Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
