I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
